[for those of you who decided to give it a try i'm putting post scriptum at the beginning]
ps don't even try to put it into the google translate!
i'm making the worst things to myself. it was all in order in my head on my way home. unfortunately i still can't post from there. it was a hell of a week and it still lasts. i have the only explanation but it's quite sad and loose anyway. it's probably better for me to be wrong. seeking for answers gets you more questions and an even bigger headache. fucking with body, spirit and mind doesn't make you think any straighter. what do you do when you want to get out of your own made up world? trying to get lost in fun, booze or drugs? does it work, eh? and it gets worse when you do have something to compare the whole situation with. something so bright and warm just round the corner. could you turn it upside down and make it sail on course again? it is sick. when you know the right way but do not know how to reach it.
i still can't think for you but i do. you still can't help me but you keep trying. i think that i know better anyway. it's actually the fact that i still can solve those little problems of yours just because i'm let in. and it is still a big deal for me to show you the insights. well i'm trying, ain't i? look at that huge revelation i'm putting here! i'm trying to cooperate really hard.
sometimes i'm trying to understand if it's sensible. people being scared to write for no reason. thinking that i'll think less of them. thinking that i'm too cold, too tough, too whatever they think. you don't place much "likes" on my activities because you know that it doesn't matter for me. or is it my delusion, one of lots? if i was an attention whore would you please me?
what am i doing? i'm writing a long depressive message to no one and myself.
why do i write here? cause i need to put those words down somewhere. and i really hope that most of you would be too lazy to read all of that.
makes sense, eh?